E-mail
Print
Removing the veil of invisibility
Living with the reality of death
By Melissa Campbell
In December 2006, three years after her diagnosis, Meghan was deemed terminal.
Doctors told Meghan that she had Stage IV cancer, which means the cancer spread and all treatment options had failed.
The doctors tell you that you arent going to make it, but Ive been here three years, so I dont think they know what they are talking about, Meghan said.
She has stopped treatment and is working with a hospital in Texas called M.P. Anderson Cancer Clinic. Meghan flies there every three months for checkups and is currently waiting to be accepted into a clinical trial for a new cancer drug.
She is still going to school. She takes medications for the pain, naps a lot, and knows where all the benches on campus are, because sometimes she cant make it from one class to another without resting.
On the whole, Meghan seems surprisingly calm about her illness and extremely positive.
I dont deal with it, she told me. I guess thats my way of dealing with it. Its just another part of me now.
She even went so far as to say that she sees having cancer as a good thing now, and considers herself better off in some senses. She has learned a lot about herself in the last three-and-a-half years.
I would never be one of those people who said if I could change it, I wouldnt, she said. Because like hell I would.
The optimism comes from Meghans mom, whom she describes as one of those obnoxiously positive people. The overwhelming optimism bothered Meghan at first, but it has since rubbed off on her.
She still plans for the future. She plans on finishing her biology degree, then on going to school to be a Physicians Assistant. She wants to be an Oncologist.
Its really hard because every once and awhile, you have a bad day and you are knocked back into thinking, Should I plan for five years from now? Should I plan for 10? she said. I do � I still talk like Im going to make it, because I think I am.
She doesnt believe the grim statistics the doctors give her.
Im a pain in the ass and I dont think Im one of those people, Meghan said.
But she has yet to have the awakening moment she thought cancer patients have.
Ive met a lot of cancer patients and you can tell they just walk around and things just slide off their shoulders, and I thought I was supposed to feel like that, she explained. But I dont. I still worry about having a bad hair day.
Show of support
During her radiation treatment at Columbia St. Marys, Meghan met a woman who is very lively and sarcastic, a good person to have in a waiting room when youre being sent off to fry, she told me. A woman I later learn is a lot like her mother.
This woman told Meghan about Gildas Club, a cancer support center in Shorewood. She brought her friends to a free Pilates night.
It was totally different, she remembered. You didnt get the pity look, the horrified look. All the people there are understanding.
She is the youngest person at Gildas Club. It is like that everywhere, she said. At the hospitals, she was the youngest, because she was diagnosed on the cusp of adult care.
Its hard, Meghan explained. When youre diagnosed you feel very alone. You feel like you are the only one going through it. The other people, they get through it. Theyre 80 and they sleep through it.
At Gildas the age difference doesnt bother Meghan as much. According to her, its like having 25 other grandparents.
In May, Gildas Club is having a fashion show called Show of Support. Meghan wanted to volunteer to help out last year, but this year they want her to be a model.
Area boutiques donate clothes to the fashion show which is a luncheon fundraiser. Guests sit at tables and watch the models come out to tell their story of survival as well as model their outfit. Each model is escorted by the person who has helped them the most through their struggles. Meghan is going to be escorted by her mom.
Meghan hated hospitals and never wanted to stay alone in one. Her mother promised her that she would never have to. She kept her word.
We lived at Froedtert for two months, said Meghan. My mom stayed there every night.
Meghans mom slept in an uncomfortable chair that folded out into a bed. In fact, the only time Meghans mom didnt stay with her was when Meghan was in ICU and couldnt have anyone stay in the room. Even then though, her mother stayed close by.
Her mothers optimism and sarcasm helped Meghan tremendously through her treatment.
I dont want the pity
She recently started doing triathlons. Before her diagnosis, she was a very athletic person, and after sitting out for three years while undergoing treatment, she is glad to be doing something again.
Im the 21-year-old puffing on the inhaler, she said. I wheeze when I do anything. But I still do it. Maybe I shouldnt.
She also speaks to high school students through her work with the American Cancer Society. She gets frustrated when she sees young people smoking or tanning. She said they say that it wont affect them for another 30 or 40 years, but it starts now. Meghan wishes they knew what cancer patients really went through, because then they would stop smoking and tanning.
When Megan tells her story, she doesnt want the pity or head nods. Instead, she wants to inspire just one person to stop smoking. While she is skeptical that she can make that big of an impact, she still hopes.
But she is not trying to be preachy, about cancer or about anything in life. Meghan just focuses on her own life.
Ive learned what works for me doesnt work for everyone, said Meghan. If it takes me 15 years to finish school, then it takes me 15 years to finish school.
The Gildas Club Show of Support will be held on May 2 at the Italian Conference Center in Milwaukee from noon to 1:30 p.m. For more information, visit their Web site at www.gildasclubewi.org or call 962-8201.
> Comments