One would think that when a college (a state university at that) is trying to get tuition money, the Bursar’s Office would take payment any way they could get it. Not at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

I don’t care if I walk my happy butt up to the cashier with bags full of pennies equaling the cost of my education. The cashier should thank me for coming in and giving them money and dutifully count each penny while being ecstatic that someone actually paid tuition.

After living in the city for a few years, I had gotten into the habit of not accepting anything a stranger tried to hand me. If you live in the city, you know the kinds of “gifts” you are likely to receive.

For those of you who are new to city life, allow me to warn you: someone is likely to hand you something you don’t want to touch. Think of the waste you see on the side of the street: used condoms, chewed up food, dead rats, human feces. Now think of the fact that many of the people wandering the streets are doing so because they were long ago kicked out of the state mental institutions that kept them safe from themselves.

I am easily annoyed by many of the frivolous occurrences in our Union. I despise the flea market in the middle of winter, the poster sale going on right now (even though I did buy a poster for above my desk) and the continuous barrage of people trying to get me to join their sororities and agree with their religious beliefs.

The first few weeks of school are especially difficult for me, as I am constantly busy and there is always someone doing something that causes a traffic jam in the Union.

Sometimes, in class, do you feel like getting up, walking back a few rows and ripping someone’s tongue out of their head? If you have felt this way, you officially have “Attentive Student Syndrome.”

ASS is defined as an unusual disorder that involves the attempt to pay attention in classes, learn something and, in the most extreme circumstances, getting good grades. You know you suffer from ASS when you get overly angry at people talking in the back of the classroom.

Have you ever been in class with someone who is sneezing, sniffling, coughing and touching everything? Of course you have. These throwbacks to kindergarten are all over the place this time of the year.

I don’t think I ask for much. If you sneeze or cough, cover your mouth. Hell, bring Kleenex. I do. Open doors with your sleeve or at least carry hand sanitizer. For the love of Pete, stop touching everything!

Recently, I found out that you aren’t allowed to go to Jamaica if you are single. OK, you’re allowed to go, but you have to pay for a couple; at least that’s how Sandals feels.

Imagine my surprise when the travel agent informed me that one couldn’t book a trip for a single to Ocho Rios, Sandals’ all-inclusive resort.

Something unusual happened in the UWM Post office the other day. There are a lot of undesirable situations that occur on a day-to-day basis in our office due to our recent move.

People randomly poke their heads in to ask if they can rent a _ (place object necessary to enjoy outdoor recreation here) because our new office is located where, two years ago, the Outing Center was.

When I was a kid, I used to sneak gum at my friends’ houses. Their parents would offer me a piece of gum and my big blue eyes would look up at them from my little blonde pigtailed self. How could anyone ever doubt that innocent face?

I wasn’t allowed to have gum. My mother hated gum. I’m sure she still does, despite the fact that we don’t often discuss her irritation with sugary rubber. Now I can’t stand gum; I never chew it and I get disgusted when others do.

We students recently received a letter from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee requesting that we use extra caution while walking around campus. Apparently there have been an abundance of strong-arm robberies lately.

Do you know what strong-arm usually means? Someone grabs your bag, pulls until you let go and runs. The university police sent out these suggestions:

Every year the holiday season sneaks up on me. I’m sitting around, enjoying summer, then BAM! I’ve got to prepare for finals, do Christmas shopping and figure out an excuse to leave Thanksgiving early. Don’t get me wrong; I love my family, but I can only take them in small doses.

The best reason I’ve found to either leave early or not come at all is a significant other. If I had a boyfriend, my family would not give me a hard time at all about trying to avoid my family responsibilities. Is it too late to start campaigning for a boyfriend?

Being a college student can be trying at times. Exam time is always a challenge. Trying to stay home and study while your friends go out can be quite a bummer.

Trying to get through the Union without hearing the English language butchered is impossible.

There have been many times when I have been washing my hands in the women’s room and heard women plainly state, “God, I’m so fat!”

These girls are never actually fat (or even slightly heavy), nor are they speaking to anyone specific. They are skinny, insecure young women who are searching for a compliment. Well, I won’t play their game.

Welcome back everyone! How was your break? Did you eat and drink too much? Did you get some much-needed rest? How’s your New Year’s resolution coming?

Oh yeah, resolutions. By this point in January, many people have already abandoned their hope for a new start. All of the promises to exercise, eat right and learn French are lying broken and battered next to the fully functioning fast food, sleeping in and watching TV. Americans are not well known for being motivated, but wouldn’t you think that someone would keep up his or her resolution at least until St. Patrick’s Day?

Walking into class after any break is a moment of excitement and trepidation for me.

Will I like the class? Will I like my professor and classmates? Every semester I go through the same problem. Inevitably, there will be at least one issue with my syllabus.

There are many things to be said about drinking in bars. Bars are a great place to meet people, get out of the house and socialize with peers. Some responsible drinking and fun with friends can be a great night out.

One can go to dance clubs, bowling alleys, sporting events, karaoke, concerts or just a corner pub to drink. Unfortunately, just like every other area of life, there are people who know how to act and those who don“t.

I know everyone has been hearing this kind of talk for the last week now, but I simply can“t help it. When I was a kid, we didn“t get off of school because it was too cold.

What exactly is “too cold?”

For those of you who bring your lunch to school, you may not have noticed that while our choices for food are abundant, our healthy choices are sorely lacking. While I am not a health freak, I have been trying to make some healthier choices lately. Our university is making my new lifestyle very difficult.

I have become very comfortable eating Taco Bell every day for lunch. I try to bring lunch, but I often forget, so I end up going with my old stand-by. I always get one of the meals, but I have one problem. I“m trying to cut soda out of my diet.

OK, I usually donÂ?Â?t pay much attention to star gossip, but this time, I canÂ?Â?t look away. Seriously, Britney, you need to be committed.

The all-night partying, looking like a coke whore and flashing your girl parts at half the country wasn�t enough for me to address. With this new hairstyle, though, I��m all in.

There are times in our lives when we simply cannot go to our tried and true hangouts anymore.

These circumstances usually involve any one of the following: exes, arguments with friends, a new bartender, a new crowd or making a fool of yourself in front of everyone there.

I recently called Applebees at Grand Avenue to place a to-go order. I pick up food from Applebees every couple of weeks on my way to work. This is not a new experience for me.

I call the restaurant, knowing perfectly well what I want. A woman answers and speaks so fast that Im suddenly unsure whether I called the right place.

First it was blamed on us human beings.

Then fault shifted to the cars that we drive.

I went down to New Orleans last spring. It was and remains in my heart as one of the most humbling experiences of my entire life. Growing up in Milwaukee, I feel we take for granted the fact that the worst things that can happen to us are lots of snow, or as we have recently experienced, the dreaded flash flooding.

New Orleans is 15 hours from Milwaukee by car. My friend John and I drove the whole way through and it wasn’t easy, but we had the essentials to make it through. Down South, life is rather quaint; people go about their business in a slower, more laboring way.

Yesterday I witnessed a young teacher screaming at her students. Not only was that alone enough to make the scene disturbing, but the kids were K-4 students and she had her face only an inch away from theirs.

This disruption lasted for about two minutes. The more she yelled at the children, the more they either ignored her or acted up. I myself, along with two other adult workers at the site, backed away from the scene and shuddered at the image presented before us.