The hype is up with UW-Milwaukee alum, Nick Viall, as this season’s leading man on ABC’s The Bachelor. Nick must date, eliminate, and choose from 30 women to find the one he thinks he could have a future with. He has been unlucky in love, so will the fourth time be the charm? That depends on the contestants.
The first episode of the season aired last Monday, and we got to see who he’s dealing with at the first cocktail party. There’s the girls you like and the ones you don’t, but who were the craziest girls in this season’s opener?
Lacy, a digital marketing manager, made her entrance by riding in on a camel and telling Nick “I hear you like a good hump!”
“Why didn’t I think of a camel,” says fashion boutique owner Raven.
Susannah, an account manager, gave Nick a beard massage and assured him “there’s more where that came from.”
Josephine, a registered nurse, pulls out a book with a space cut out inside with an uncooked hot dog in it. She tells him that she knows he hasn’t had good luck with past relationships, but he’s a wiener in her book. Clever? Maybe. Weird? Definitely. After Nick and Josephine reenact the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp with the hotdog, Nick claims he hasn’t had an uncooked hotdog since he was six. He didn’t seem thrilled.
Law school grad Lauren tells Nick that they were blessed with some pretty horrible last names: Viall and Hussey. “Together we’re disgusting slut,” according to Lauren. That’s not too bad, but not too pleasant either.
Taylor, a mental health counselor, is, interestingly enough, the epitome of the crazy cat lady. In her introduction, she says she is a little lonely.
“I have my cat,” says Taylor. “but it’s not the same.” She seems fairly normal until she starts meowing to her cat. To be fair, I do this too. She meows when talking about Nick, which is pushing it, but I don’t think this will be a reoccurring theme throughout the show unless she’s like me and keeps pictures of her cat handy at all times. Hopefully, she finds “a man who can keep up with her energy.”
These are some of the more interesting girls, but there is real crazy ahead.
I can tell you now that Corrine, a business owner, is a force to reckon with. First of all, Corrine talks in third person. That’s got to stop.
“I would describe myself as a very serious business woman,” says Corrine, despite her also saying that her nanny still caters to her, and she would take her nanny with her if she moved in with Nick.
Later, she gives nick a bag of tokens that he can cash in for anything. “I always go after what I want. And I want Nick right now…right now,” as well as “I’m here for Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick…Nickelodeon,” she says after stealing him away from another girl.
Corrine goes on to kiss Nick, but he feels very uncomfortable and asks if he needs to give her a token. This doesn’t seem to affect her, though. We see clips from the next episode where she brags about her sexual abilities and sneaks out to Nick’s room and says “I would like to explore each other sexually.” You can hear him declining her offer, but why do that when she says “my heart is gold, but my vageen is platinum”?
Corrine is crazy in a “nobody is going to get along with her, and she’ll probably cause a lot of drama” kind of way. But then there’s Alexis, the aspiring dolphin trainer.
Ah, Alexis. Good, sweet, dolphin-loving Alexis. She is the night’s honorary crazy girl. Why? She started off by saying that she loves dolphins. Maybe Nick will love dolphins too. Maybe they could be dolphin trainers together.
“He needs to love dolphins or else this isn’t going to work out,” says Alexis.
Fine. That’s cute. Dolphins are cool, but the dolphin talk, literally dolphin talk, didn’t stop there. She was warned by her loved ones not to make dolphin noises upon meeting Nick. She did.
When meeting Nick for the first time, she didn’t talk dolphin, but she did arrive in a “dolphin” costume. Why quotation marks around “dolphin”? It was a shark costume.
She is also no stranger to dolphin puns, including “I’m swimming in a sea of women, definitely,” and “I dolphinitley can’t wait to talk to you inside.” Dolphin girl also winds up in the pool and says she wants to be the first dolphin to get a rose.
I kind of like Alexis, but there are mixed feelings from people at the cocktail party.
“There is a debate whether she is a shark or a dolphin,” says Rachel, attorney and recipient of the first impression rose. “Um, we don’t know, and we’re not sure if she knows either.”
Raven wants to “be friends with the dolphin shark.”
Nick kids that if she takes the costume off then she’s going home and says “I have a shark that thinks she’s a dolphin…that’s a concern.”
During this episode, we get to ask ourselves the fun questions: Is she actually crazy? Is she getting a rose? Was that called for? What is she thinking with that entrance? Is she a shark or a dolphin? I’m sure Nick is going to have more questions too. It’s reality TV. You can’t just have a bunch of lovely women with no wow-factor, right?
Nick ends the cocktail party on a positive note by saying “try to make this experience as normal as possible in a very abnormal world, and I think if you do that you will leave with no regrets.”
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