Modern day dating has ruined us all. The constant games and roller coaster of emotions is completely unhealthy. We’re left wondering where we stand with someone after just having the best date, wondering what went wrong before anything even happens, plus constantly questioning our worth. The amount of overthinking and worrying drains the energy out of us all faster than you know. It’s mentally draining when you start to date someone new, because of the dating anxiety this world inflicts upon us.
The “talking” stage is what causes the most anxiety, and is the culprit for killing almost all relationships. It’s this stupid thing that we millennials have created to avoid any sort of confrontation with defining the relationship. So instead of actually talking about things, we metaphorically say we’re talking. It gives us just enough time to figure out if we want to pursue this interest, or let it die off (this is called ghosting, I’ll fill you in on this soon).
The paranoia starts to set in after things are starting to feel good. This is when real feelings develop. We start to realize that this other person seems genuine; that there’s a true possibility of a relationship starting. Instead of thinking of all the things that are right and good, we sink to the bottom of minds to think up the worst. Asking ourselves things like are we exclusive or are they still “talking” to other people. We wonder this because there has been little to none clarification on what exactly our relationship is with one another. We can’t just simply ask where we stand though, because then we’re too clingy or girls are classified as “crazy”.
Once this stage of anxiety passes, we like to think that the worst is over and better things are to come. Hate to break it you, but self-sabotage is next. Thanks to our lovely modern day dating world, we are lead to believe that we deserve less. We are constantly lowering our standards, because of the harsh words others have said, or even worse, we say to ourselves. The scars from the last heartbreak are still visible and still there to remind us of what went wrong, and that it was our fault. The haunting of past loves force us to self-sabotage, making us believe that we don’t deserve this; that this great guy, or girl, is too good for us. Please don’t believe that, please don’t listen to that.
You’re finally starting to calm down about this new love interest, and you’re extremely excited about the future holds. Anxiety doesn’t care though, anxiety comes whenever. One unanswered text, or a 2 hour wait for a reply has you worrying that you’re going to be “ghosted”. This is another lovely thing that people our age have created. Instead of talking with someone, explaining that things aren’t working out or whatever the reason may be, we run. We hide away from the pain that we’re causing someone else because we have talked ourselves into believing this is better. So the person on the other end is left with questions unanswered, no goodbye or reasoning, and the constant hope that you’re coming back. So the anxiety that starts in the beginning of every new relationship is there because of the last one. It is there because of people like this.
Breaking down modern day dating makes zero sense, but unfortunately it’s today’s society. So until courting, going steady, and respect come back into play we have to figure out how to battle the wars we are having within.
Communication is key. It’s okay to be upfront with your partner and explain to them that you’ve been burned in the past. This doesn’t make you any less of a person, or any less loveable. You will still be desired by them, if not even more, because you were honest. Being vulnerable is scary, but it can also propel your relationship forward. Talk to them about how you’re feeling. If and when you are on the other end of this, listen to your partner and validate their feelings. We have all been there, and it’ll help them if you explain that you know where they’re coming from. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about this, I can guarantee that a friend will understand. Everyone experiences this.
Keeping yourself busy will help while you wait for the anxiety to pass is extremely helpful. You’re most likely overthinking because you’re bored and doing nothing. Don’t let those thoughts creep in. Go do something with some friends, go for a run, or read a book. If you’re anything like me, you will write. Writing can help your mind release so many emotions and thoughts you didn’t even know you had. Let your mind escape and relax, soon enough it’ll pass.
Thinking of all the good things, all the right things. What has happened so far that your ex never did? How are they treating you differently from your past experiences? How do you feel when you’re with them? Hold onto that when you start to second guess things.
Whatever your remedy is for the anxiety that dating brings, just remember that everything will be okay. The worry will not swallow you whole, and you deserve love. It’s easier said than done, but try not to stress because what’s meant to be will be.