Abuse comes in many shapes and forms, sometimes it’s not easy to spot, and sometimes it m
ight not even come across as abuse, but all abuse, no matter the form, takes an emotional toll.
An abusive relationship is not always easy to detect, especially as one of the partners in it. Most people consider a relationship an abusive one when one of the partners gets physical, but verbal abuse is a type of abuse too. It’s important to note that most abusers are master manipulators, who specialize in victim shaming; furthermore, since verbal abuse is hard to spot some don’t even realize they are doing it.
One form of verbal abuse is known as negging. It occurs when an individual makes a backhanded compliment or insult that is designed to undermine that person’s confidence while simultaneously giving the insulter attention as they strive for their approval. In other words, one partner is constantly putting down the 
other one to get attention.
Here are some ten examples of negging or variations of it to help you spot if it might be occurring in your relationship.
1. They might tease or insult you to the point of humiliation, then remark “it’s just a joke”
2. If you get upset or even the slightest affronted at degrading remarks and they say “you’re too sensitive”
3. They treat you like a child with a disapproving remark or comment, and then they “correct your behavior”
4. They can laugh at you, but they cannot laugh at themselves
5. Their behavior is explained away with a reason, typically blaming you
6. When they explain something, it is in a condescending manner.
7. If they tease you, it is meant to insult you, and not for good fun. It is usually sarcastic to disguise it.
8. They attempt to play the victim or say “it’s all in your head”
9. They are openly mean to you by commenting or calling you out on sensitive information or insecurities
10. They ignore you so you are forced to actively seek them out, giving them the attention they desire.
Negging is a sign of possessiveness, which falls under a sign of abuse. If one or more of the above points relate to you, consider reaching out to a close friend or a professional. A relationship is mutually beneficial when each partner feels loved, respected and safe.
If you or a loved one feels that you are in an abusive relationship and live in Wisconsin call 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233 or visit a resource center on campus.
Remember, abuse doesn’t have to be seen to be felt.