For some people, the number means everything. To others, their number means nothing. As always, there are those few inbetweeners that consciously choose what, or should I say who, goes into their number.
This number that I’m referring to is of course, the number of people someone has slept with. Now, per personal opinion and belief this number could include oral sex or penetrative intercourse. These words might be painful to read, but trust me they are even more painful to type out. Necessary for clarification, though. For me personally, it is the number of people I have slept with. I want to keep this number fairly low, which probably isn’t a surprise to most since I am the college virgin. I want to be proud of my number, and for me, I find pride in a lower number.
I’m not sure where this mentality comes from, because I wasn’t necessarily taught to have it. It’s not like my mom sat me down and told me to only sleep with a maximum of three men. I’m not religious either, so it doesn’t stem from there. It just kind of happened one day. When I have “the talk” with my daughter, I want to proudly tell her that I waited for a man who I loved deeply and he loved me too. I want to tell her that I was safe when it came to being intimate with someone. I want to tell my future husband a number that I am not ashamed of. I want to tell myself that I respected my body, my morals and my beliefs. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to regret anyone. I don’t want to have to say “he doesn’t count”, or not be able to talk to anyone about someone I slept with because of shame and regret.
I came across one guy though who made me feel ashamed of my extremely low number, non-existent number actually. For the sake of his identity, I’ve decided to rename him to Brian. We met going into my junior year of college, and he definitely had a way of giving me butterflies. We went out to dinner a few times, and a few nights were spent cuddling in his cozy studio downtown. He seemed like a great guy and I’m sure he is deep down. But, I unfortunately did not see this side of him after a certain night.
We had just finished watching some horror film on Netflix, and like any horny boy in his twenties… he then wanted to “Netflix and Chill”. My innocent mind thought that’s what he had been doing the whole time we had been watching the movie. His hungry eyes and aggressive hands said otherwise. He pressed his body against mine on his bed; the weight of his body and the pressure of the situation made it hard for me to breathe. I paused what was soon to be too much for me, and asked him the bold question; “How many people have you been with?”. A question and answer that means a lot to me.
His reply was something I will never forget; “Um I kind of went through a slutty faze and I think my number is somewhere after 50.”
Shock took over, and he could see it on my face. I’ve always struggled with hiding my emotions.
“Why? What’s your number? I bet its low.” Giggling to himself like this was all a joke.
I told him that my number was zero, and he couldn’t be the first. This is a moment I’m not proud of in how I treated someone else, but I stood by my own beliefs… I told him that him and I could not continue down whatever path we were on and that there was no future for us. I thanked him for all the previous dates, and walked out the door. I never looked back.
To him, his number didn’t mean anything. To me, it meant everything. My own number and his. I want someone who values their number as much as I do.
Wondering what happened after this? Since this was two years ago, I of course dated some other guys, which I will tell you all about soon, but, I have run into Brian since. Not that long ago actually… at a bar. I went down the same path that I explored years prior, and of course the outcome was the same. He told me that his number had increased and had now slept with over 150 women. Women that he can’t even name. He told me that he agreed that I shouldn’t be with a guy like him, that I should find someone more like me. He walked away from me that night instead of me walking away from him.
Brian, you have taught me a lot about why I am waiting and for that I thank you. But I do hope you find love someday. Someone just like you. I also hope you find peace within yourself and your number…
Maybe your number is what you make of it. Maybe your number is nothing to you. But maybe, your number is everything to you. Either way… this is my opinion on it and my interaction with someone else’s number.
I can’t wait to tell you about the next guy. Thanks for reading.
XOXO,
College Virgin.