Note: This piece was written before the Associated Press called this election.
I hope everyone is following the election, I know I am. I also hope that everyone is giving themselves a break from politics occasionally, as it is a stressful time. My emotions are running ragged as news sources call states before all the ballots are counted, as disconcerting statements from public officials released and combative messages are exchanged between old friends. Some who are in support of Biden and some who are in support of Trump amass on my phone as a mound of chaos unfolds.
I knew that the race would be close, and I knew shells of emotion would wiz across no-mans-land as everyone tried to make sense of a duplicitous pair of opponents. Some find one candidate preferable and some the other, but as for myself, I find I am disappointed no matter the outcome. The people decide the election, and we all must cope with the results. No matter your political affiliation, I hope you are taking care of your mental health for the duration of this election.
Now, for the review.
I began with an hors d’oeurve of dread and sitting in the shower crying. If you are about to experience a break-down, I recommend the shower as a place to release any excess emotion. The water washes away the tears and you feel clean after. I would give this a three out of five stars because of the environmental impact if you are in there for a while.
Following was the appetizer. Arranged in the most displeasing way was a series of head scratches topped with sighs following the President’s statement on ending the ballot count. The platter was well put together, but it was meant to be shared between two or three people. I give this a four- out of five-star rating as I did not wish for it to be presented – but once on the table, I found it comical.
The pre-meal salad was an exhaustive rest as my deteriorating mental state shut down the rest of my body for recharge. I am just glad I did not forget my USBC in the other room before passing out. This portion I would absolutely recommend. While most salads are tossed, there was no turning in this night’s slumber. Five out of five stars.
The main course was a prolonged amount of time waiting as the results slowly creep in with a side of existential dread. This portion also came with a bottomless bread bowl of heart palpitations. Four out of five stars.
I am still waiting on the dessert, which comes when all the ballots are counted and confirmed. I ordered acceptance and a brownie, but I think they might be out of the brownies. Most likely they will surprise me with disappointment.
Thus, concludes the review. You can find this quaint hole-in-the-wall between Canada and Mexico on What-The-Hell-Is-Happening-Right-Now Boulevard. Cheers.