Someone once told me that my virginity was an “inconvenience”. Can you believe that? My self-respect, personal beliefs, and morals were an inconvenience to someone. I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard anything more selfish and full of bullshit. Because of this man, I walked around for over a year believing that no one would ever want to date me or be with me, because I was a virgin. I viewed myself as an “inconvenience” and as someone that others would pass up for this reason. His words still haunt me.
I was newly single and had just started to date again. It was new and exciting; he was older and nothing like my ex-boyfriend. We met in a bar one night, and he bought me my cliché drink of choice – vodka cranberry – such a gentleman. We spent the rest of that night dancing to overplayed pop songs and laughing at the fact that we couldn’t hear a word that the other was saying. The magic hour rang in – 2AM, bar close – so we exchanged numbers and parted ways. We continued to text and snapchat weeks after that first night and ran into each other again at the same bar. He was nice and funny. My cheeks would hurt from laughing so much. I thought he was exactly what I wanted… exactly what I needed. But, it all exploded in my face.
One night, we were at his apartment alone watching a movie and cuddling on the couch. Like every “Netflix and Chill” scenario, things escalated from there and he wanted to move to the bedroom. The transition from the couch to the bed was always a tricky one. I thought I had mastered the forbidden phrase, but I still dreaded having to tell him that things were not going to go much further. I hated how vulnerable I felt in these moments.
I stuttered over my words and managed to tell him that we couldn’t go to his bedroom. He had a dumb-founded look on his face, as if I had just spoken in a foreign language. Turns out douchebag college guys don’t speak “virgin.”
He told me that there was nothing to shy about and tried to pull me in closer to him. I instantly blocked his move and told him that sex was not an option. Yet again, he didn’t pick up on my subtle hint and said that he didn’t care how many people I had been with. Laughing at his cliché line, I told him to guess the number of people I’ve slept with.
He said something along the lines of “I’m sure its low… probably like two or three”.
I told him it was lower than that. Way lower.
His smile faded, he had finally connected the dots.
“You’re a virgin?” He asked. “Really?”
“Yes, I’m a virgin.” I confirmed for him.
His hands that were once gripping mine were now shoved into his jean pockets. His entire demeanor had changed and I suddenly felt unwelcomed.
“I’m sorry, but that is just the last thing I wanted to hear in this moment,” he said to me with a straight face. I swallowed my tears and managed to say something like “What do you mean?”
“You being a virgin is just kind of an inconvenience right now,” he said.
It was in this exact moment that I realized I should never let a man treat me with so little respect. I almost started to apologize to him, but there was nothing for me to be sorry for. The only person apologizing should’ve been him for treating me like an object. He didn’t though, and that’s okay.
I grabbed my purse and walked out the front door without looking back. I sat in the darkness of my car, trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I felt like screaming, sobbing, and thrashing my fist against the steering wheel. Instead, I turned my blinker on and drove home in silence.
Nothing ever came about with this guy, and I never received a sincere apology. I do still get his 3AM text messages saying, “you up?” Looks like the Virgin is not an inconvenience when he is several drinks in. His words broke me for a little, but he taught me a valuable lesson.
Being a virgin should not be a taboo topic and virginity should not be treated as an inconvenience. It is a matter of personal beliefs and self-respect, and to belittle someone because of it is the worst thing someone can do. His words hurt me, broke me, and haunted me for months. It was all I heard over and over again at night. Replaying like a broken record when I would think about dating again. I was scared. I never wanted to tell someone I was a virgin ever again. I realized though that his words should only fuel me. It was his loss on a great woman, and I would never want to be with someone who didn’t share the same views as me. He showed me the type of man I don’t want to be with, and the type of man who will never have the honor of being with me.
If anyone has ever made you feel less than, ashamed, embarrassed or anything else because of your sexual experiences I apologize on their behalf. They are too ignorant to understand the self-love you have. They are too blind to see the
beauty within you. They are not worth it. You will find the person who is though.
XOXO
The College Virgin